


And There We Were

by Moadlc



Series: Yet Here We Are [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Self-harm in the last chapter that can be skipped if you dont want to read it, Sequel, The Empty (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moadlc/pseuds/Moadlc
Summary: “He thought about that night. Replayed it entirely in his head. The mere thought of Jack’s laughter, Dean’s smile or Sam’s brotherly teasing was enough to keep him sane. At least, enough for now.”For the first time in his very long life, Castiel was unapologetically happy. Of course, there was no way that could ever last. When the deal he had tried so hard to avoid came knocking on Cas’s door, he knew there was nowhere left to run. Will he find a way back, or will he be doomed to eternal darkness?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Yet Here We Are [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709815
Comments: 14
Kudos: 51





	1. The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is a sequel to "And Yet Here We Are", back by popular demand! So, if you haven't read that, make sure you do and then come back here :)  
> Special thanks to my amazing beta-reader: [Destiel-more-like-bestiel!](https://destiel-more-like-bestiel.tumblr.com/) This is the third time we work together and I am eternally grateful! 
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos, that really helps to feed my starving writer soul! :)

_Cas was an angel, he knew that theoretically. He knew Heaven, defended it, fought for it. But nothing could have prepared him for the pure ecstasy that was kissing Dean. The love of his very long life, now his own private paradise. All of God’s creations paled in comparison to the arms of the man he was currently collapsed into._

_When they finally broke apart for some much needed air, their foreheads remained pressed together as they struggled to catch their breath. A small chuckle erupted from the hunter’s chest as a curious thought came to his mind._

_“And here I was thinking that you had a thing for that pizza man,” Dean teased as he wriggled his brow._

_Dean’s soul shone brighter than it had in the last 10 years, and its brilliance almost blinded Cas. His grace came to envelop his hunter, as they finally shared their first embrace. The first of many. Cas smiled as he met his lover’s eyes and muttered his reply._

_“And yet here we are”_

The memory filled Cas with some much needed warmth. The endless sea of darkness that surrounded him now always felt so cold. He did not know how long it had been since he was dragged here by _It_ , he had no way of telling time in this oblivion. He was surrounded by the eternal sea of darkness that was the Empty’s depths, away from the surface he had once come to recognize as grimly familiar. 

The entity had kept its promise. The moment Cas allowed himself to finally, _finally_ be happy, he was dragged back here. Only to be left in the darkest depths of the Empty, completely and utterly alone. He had been shoved into his own prison, and the entity had thrown away the key. It was during moments like these that Cas wished for the comfort of sleep. But, he knew that being awake was a blessing in disguise. 

_If he was awake, the entity was too. The entity **hated** being awake._

The thought alone was enough to make Cas smile. Even if he could never find a way out of his prison, even if he could never see Dean or his son again, he could rely on the comfort that he could be a nuisance to the one responsible for his pain until the end of days. Still, he could not give up. He needed to find a way back to Dean, Jack and Sam. He needed to find a way home. 

Time worked differently in the Empty, he had no way of knowing how long he had been gone on Earth. It could be seconds, days, months, years or eons. So, Cas did the only thing he could to keep himself sane. He thought about that night. Replayed it entirely in his head, using his grace to make sure time in his memory passed just as it had on Earth. It wasn’t perfect, but it allowed him to at least grasp the passage of hours among the dark, bleeding walls of nothing that surrounded him. The mere thought of Jack’s laughter, Dean’s smile or Sam’s brotherly teasing was enough to keep him sane. Enough for now. 

He still remembers the feeling of Dean’s lips against his own. The small, electrifying touch that made all of his synapses fire at once. An implosion of warmth and love that he had never felt before, and could do little against. It wasn’t like he wanted to resist anyway. He remembers giving as good as he got. The feeling of Dean’s hitched breaths against his vessel’s skin as they parted. Heaven could rarely grant him such peace, even during the good days. 

As he stood in the endless abyss, he hoped (not for the first time) that everything would be right again someday; that he would return to that embrace he so desperately longed for. For now, all he could do was fight. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For one brief moment, Dean finally understood what true happiness felt like. As he stood holding his angel in his arms, feeling his warmth radiating against his body, he doubted there could ever be anything better than this feeling. That kiss, their first, had felt like a missing puzzle piece finally clicking into place. Like those 10+ years of waiting had been worth it. They had paused for a moment, Dean’s arms around Cas, simply staring into each other’s eyes.

_“And yet here we are,”_ Cas had muttered into the comfortable silence between them. Such a simple, yet meaningful phrase. A small assurance that everything was going to be okay. They were finally on the same page. Dean could feel the soft fibers of Cas’s trench coat against his palms, and he couldn’t help but spread them a bit further. Cas looked at him as if Dean had hung the moon just for him, like he wasn’t the literal angel between the both of them. 

Cas sighed and took a breath as he was about to say something when-

A huge scream tore from Cas, screeching and jarring, it almost reminded Dean of the first time Cas had tried to reach out to him. But, this time it felt wrong, jagged and painful. 

“CAS, what the hell is wrong? Talk to me” Dean shouted, trying to keep his hold on the angel, but he dropped to the floor and hunched over his stomach. The screams only got louder. Sam and Jack burst through the kitchen door, a terrified look on their faces. That’s when Dean saw It. 

A black, oozing goo that was slowly enveloping the ground underneath Cas’s form. The hunter tried to reach for his angel’s arm when Cas turned into nothing right at his fingertips. Leaving behind nothing, but goo and two confused hunters in his wake.

Except Jack. The boy stared at the mess on the floor, muttered a soft “Oh no” as his eyes widened in fear. 

Dean and Sam turned to him then, a million questions and worries running through their heads. Jack kept staring at where his father used to be, and uttered a single word. One word that suddenly made the pit in Dean’s stomach drop even lower. 

“Empty.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go....
> 
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	2. If I Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is what it seems.

“What do you mean ‘Empty’?” Dean grounded out towards Jack, trying his best to keep himself from imploding. He knew exactly what his son meant, but he didn’t want to believe it was true. 

Jack’s eyes were wide with fear bubbling behind them. He worked his mouth open and closed, trying to speak, but found he had no words. Sam stepped closer to him and pressed his warm hand on his son’s shoulder. It was a reassuring weight and it helped Jack ground himself. 

With a steadying breath, Jack finally met Dean’s eyes as he questioned “Well, do you remember when I died and went to Heaven?”

As if Dean could ever forget any of the times he had lost his son. He wanted to voice that thought, but he couldn't bring himself to. He needed to let Jack talk now; he needed to know what happened to Cas. “Yeah, we brought you back thanks to Lily’s soul magic” So, he kept it at that. 

Jack nodded slowly, his gaze drifting back down to where Cas had been standing. “I wasn’t supposed to come back. The Empty didn’t want me to come back,” a chill went down the nephilim’s spine as he thought of the horrible entity. The cold chill reminded him of the darkness that had enveloped him for months in the Empty. All of the months he had spent standing in place, unsure of what to do, and waiting for Billie to come back for him. He never wanted to go back, but now….

“What do you mean It didn't _want_ you to? Jack, if that was true you wouldn’t be here” Sam interjected, crowding closer to the boy. 

“I am here because of Cas.” Jack stated, and closed his eyes as he braced himself for the screaming he knew was sure to come. “Cas made a deal with the Empty: his life, for mine”.

Sam hesitated, before gently asking: “Well, if he made that deal, then why did the Empty wait until now to collect?” 

A deep frown littered Jack’s face, the effort it took to stay calm evident on his features, “The Empty had said that It would only come once Cas had finally allowed himself to be... happy.” 

Jack closed his eyes and waited for Dean to explode. He knew he would, that was what he did every single time Cas did something “stupid”. Yet, the screams didn’t come. He opened his eyes hesitantly and found both hunters staring at him. Sam looked concerned, but a wave of understanding came over him. He knew. 

Dean, however… Dean was just _off_. He walked slowly back to lean against the counter, slowly slid down until he was sitting right next to where Cas had disappeared from. He wasn’t looking at anyone anymore. His forest green eyes were unfocused, tears fighting to make their way to the surface. His hands shifted towards the floor, as if touching the black stain left behind would let him be closer to Cas. _Maybe it would take him down there too_. 

Sam and Jack tried to approach him slowly, like one would approach a wild tiger. Dean simply slid closer to the floor, resting his forehead on that damned black stain. “Get out,” he muttered, almost too low for the others to hear. 

Sam and Jack didn’t move, so he tried again. “GET OUT” he howled, his voice breaking into a sob. The hunter and nephilim flinched, but granted Dean’s wish. They slowly padded out of the bunker’s kitchen, grief evident on their features. 

Jack hesitated by the door. He wanted to say something, anything to help comfort his dad. He was about to apologize when Sam placed a well-meaning hand on his shoulder again. He met the long-haired hunter’s gaze as he shook his head. Jack understood. If there was one thing Dean needed right now, it wasn’t a hollow apology. It wasn’t being alone either, Jack thought, but that was what Dean wanted. After all, want and need rarely overlap. 

Once he heard Sam and Jack leave, Dean finally released the breath he was holding. A single, painful sigh that racked his body before it turned into a heaving sob. The tears were flowing freely from him now, joining the black stain left behind by It. Where there had once been a beautiful, bright, angelic soul, now there was just a hollow pond of nothing. 

“Cas, you dumb son of a bitch” he growled, punching that mocking stain between each syllable. Maybe if he hit the ground hard enough, he would be able to bust his angel out. Or maybe he would just break his hand in the process. Chuck knows he deserves it, so who cares, right? 

Tears ran down the sides of his face, his anger slowly leaking out of him along with them. “What have you done, Cas?” he muttered, “what have you fucking done…” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cas didn’t know how much longer he would be able to take. The eternal darkness that surrounded him never seemed to end. He was sure he had been walking for days now. No idea if he was heading in the right direction, or just aimlessly walking around in circles. 

He was getting desperate. The warm memories he kept replaying in his head were becoming dimmer as he tried desperately to hold on to them. Every hug he had ever shared with the Winchesters or Jack, every laugh throughout his 10 years of knowing them, his first kiss with Dean; all of these memories slowly fading away from his grace. Each moment of fondness was being slowly replaced by sickening fear and dread. The memories he had tried so hard to hide, the ones he ran away from whenever he was alone, were all coming back to haunt him. Each memory tied to a visceral pain that trembled across his body. 

_Bringing Sam back without a soul_. That memory came along with a ragged emptiness in his stomach, “guilt” as he had learned to name it. 

_Betraying the Winchesters and working with Crowley_. The memory burned his eyes from the inside out, a reminder of the solutions he failed to see. 

_Becoming Leviathan_. This memory nearly suffocates him, filling his vessel with dread as heavy as lead.

_Killing Dean over 1,000 times in Heaven_. This one hurt something awful. It was one thousand sorrows compressed into one. That memory was the most vivid as it tightened around his chest, and squeezed. That memory was a broken heart. 

_Losing Jack the first time_. This memory was a subtle ache that intensified with every step he tried to take. Once Jack had lost his grace, his body had decayed slowly too. It had gone from a mild ache to an incurable illness that not even Rowena could stop. Losing Jack to something he had no control over, that felt like drowning. The more he struggled to rise, the deeper he sank.

_Losing Jack again._ That was his breaking point. When God had burned his son’s soul away to the Empty, he had burned every shred of hope left within Cas. That pain had seared into his vessel and had left a permanent scar. The same scar that had made Cas wake up to check on Jack as he slept at night, and the one that made him wrap a hundred scarves around Jack’s neck if it was chilly outside. This memory seared off what was left of his body, igniting the pitch black walls of the Empty around him. The Empty was an oil drum and he was the match. 

The memories wouldn’t stop. Each whisper of pain grabbing hold of the little grace he had and pulling him down deeper into the Empty’s depths. He could hear It laughing at him. Taking pleasure from his misery. Cas just wanted it all to stop, he needed for it to just _stop_. 

And just like that, it did. For a second at least. Then the memories came back in full force, punching the breath out of his imagined lungs. There was no physical body in the Empty. Souls were left bare, struggling to remain in the shape of the vessel they had last adhered to. Another painful reminder of how they tried fruitlessly to hold on to their life. To save what remained of themselves.

Still, for the briefest moment, Cas had felt the pain stop. He knew he did, and that could only mean one thing. Angels were not powerless in the Empty. He wasn’t powerless here. The pain he was feeling wasn’t something out of his control. If he had no physical self here, why could he still feel pain? He shouldn't be able to, he reasoned. The entity was _making_ him feel this, punishing him for his indiscretions. So, what would happen if he tried to push back against It? 

As the next memory tried to creep up on him, he focused all of his effort into thwarting the memories. Even as the pain began, he closed his eyes and brought his grace towards his brain. The closer he got to focusing his energy, the more insistent the bad thoughts became. They started cycling over and over in his head: _Dean dead, Jack gone, Sam empty, Crowley, Dean dead, Jack gone, Sam empty, Dean dead_. A scream tore out of his throat as he shot his grace out of his form and draped it around himself like he would have done with his wings so long ago. 

Silence. Blissful silence.

His grace layered over him, like an ethereal shield against the pain the Empty tried to inflict. He was stronger than his suffering now. He was stronger because he had something that could make even the sharpest, cutting words shatter. Cas had love. He had love for his son, for Dean and for Sam. Something worth fighting for, and a family worth returning to. His grace was interwoven with every single positive memory Cas had in his possession. A small smile escaped him as he realized that they significantly outweighed the bad ones. Which is why the Empty had tried so hard to make him forget. But, you can never truly forget the good, not if it was the only times you ever felt truly alive. The Empty wouldn’t be able to touch him anymore. At least, hopefully, long enough for him to escape. 

Escape. He still needed to get out of here. He needed to reach the surface again. The corridor he had been walking through was an expanse of nothing no matter which direction he faced. Unless, he didn't face the corridor. What if he faced the walls? 

Cas stood still for the first time since he was dumped into this abyss. He held his hands out until they touched the oozing black walls that surrounded him. The walls were electric to the touch, yet fluid enough that he could run his hands through them. He felt small sparks everywhere he touched, almost as if he was touching pure energy. Pure... grace? The sparks burned him the closer his body got to the walls. Black goo stuck to his arms as he drew them back, startled, and then slowly fizzled away as he shook them. 

Cas’s brow furrowed, his head tilting as he tried to recall the moment Jack had woken him up in the Empty for the first time. Jack had used his power to pull at his connection with him until he had removed him from this black goo and forced him towards the surface. Maybe that was how he could get out of this fluid prison. All he had to figure out was how. The walls called to him again, and he dared to step closer. He was less than a foot away from the nearest one, and he placed his hands delicately on the surface again. His grace seemed to react to the goo, repelling it. Or was the goo repelling his grace?

He slowly drew some of his grace back from his hand, bracing himself for the pain of the sparks, yet it never came. His hand went softly through the goo, the sparks feeling like soft prickles against his skin. Suddenly, something held his hand in a vice grip. It surrounded him, a gleaming warmth that didn’t hurt, but didn’t recede either. He gasped and tried to pull his hand back when he heard a sound. 

“Cas,” a faint but familiar voice said from within the pitch-black wall. Far away at first, but then repeating itself a little more firmly. It almost sounded like... No..

“Dean?” he asked hesitantly to the nothing in front of him. It responded by giving his hand a firm tug and squeeze. The warmth began making its way up his arm, pleasantly nostalgic and inviting, like seeing an old friend after a long time apart. In a way, he guessed that is what was happening now. 

The tugging became insistent, trying to pull him further in, but his grace prevented him from falling. 

“Dean, I can’t go in there. I am trying to reach the surface”

There was a slight buzzing coming from the wall now, Dean’s voice trying to reach him, but seemingly getting lost in the vast abyss. He was only able to make out one word, along with a sense of urgency: “Cas”.

And so -after a beat- Cas closed his eyes, let his grace seep back within him and took a step into the unknown. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooooo boyyy!!! Thanks for reading this far. Would you like art for this fic? Should I make art for this??? Let me know. I promise this has a happy ending, so stick around for the rest o.o
> 
> Follow Me: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Melanie69196107) and [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/moadlc)  
> Support Me: [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/moadlc)  
> Tell me what to do: [Commission Me](https://forms.gle/WiR7LWx8vpku9a36A)


	3. Coming Home

The darkness he sank into gave way to a familiar weight. As he felt the warm energy pulling him forward, Cas couldn’t help but enjoy the feelings of guilt melting away around him. It was as if the farther away he got from the center of the Empty, the lighter he felt. Leaving behind his regrets and surfing on his hopes for a future he could almost reach. 

He could feel himself rising. It felt strangely reminiscent of pulling Dean out of Hell. If Hell was a giant puddle of black Jello instead of a den of horrid monsters and iniquity that wanted nothing more than to kill him slowly. However, the warmth that spread across his body and slowly pulled him closer to what Cas hoped was the surface, reminded him vividly of Dean. Reminded him of putting his hand around his lover’s shoulder, marking him with their newly formed bond. A mark that, though not physically present anymore, was still seared onto Dean’s brilliant soul. Cas loved getting lost in the memory of it. 

His peace didn’t last too long. One second he was reminiscing of humble beginnings, and the next he was staring straight into the eyes of the entity itself. He had made it to the surface, the air that surrounded him now felt strange, like he was surrounded by wind that had a mind of its own. It blew around him and through him, as if he was not there at all. But Cas knew he was, the entity looked too pissed for this to be another illusion. 

The entity was pacing frantically in front of Cas now, It had given up on taking a physical form. It chose instead to present Itself as the embodiment of the black goo that laid at the angel’s feet. Even as It paced, the goo seemed to fall off its body, dripping like a leaky faucet of dread. For each drop lost, the goo from the floor would rise up through the entity's feet and snake around its body. It had no eyes or discernible face, yet Cas could feel the daggers It was staring into his soul. 

“This shouldn’t be possible” It muttered to itself, its hands fidgeting at its side, “I dropped you into the farthest depths of this wretched place.” 

“Well that worked out well for you, didn’t it.” Cas quipped, trying to stifle his enjoyment at being the source of the entity’s distress. 

“YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE” the entity snapped as it expanded, tripled its size, and loomed over the angel. 

Cas stood his ground, trying to meet the entity’s absent gaze with an impassive one of his own. “I have to agree with you there,” the angel replied.

The entity seethed, its anger multiplying inside it, “Oh Cassie”, it teased, “I thought we were past this incessant and unnecessary sass of yours”. 

Cas gave the entity his best approximation of a deadly smile, one he had learned from Sam. “And I thought you were done trying to control me, I suppose neither of us is getting what we want”. 

The entity sighed, returning to its normal size. “Tragic part about that, Cassie, is that you are right,” It walked behind the angel to where a makeshift throne had materialized out of thin air. It sprawled across the throne, its legs draping off the side, making it look more like some ice cream which had melted over a chair, than a fearsome celestial being. 

“You see, Cassie-boy, if it was up to me, you would be long dead and asleep by now. But there’s just something _off_ about you. Something wrong”, the entity swung its arms out dramatically, looking every bit like a Dorian Gray dipped in tar. 

Cas rolled his eyes, starting to pace slowly away from It, trying to see if he could find an exit. “You are not exactly a ‘peach’ to be around either” Cas replied with air quotes for added sarcasm. He hesitated, standing still before adding, “and that thing you say is wrong with me, it's my humanity... It's the part I love most”.

“Oh, SPARE ME” the entity screamed, its voice crackling like static in Cas’s ears. “I don’t care about that, I care about getting rid of you so I can enjoy my peaceful sleep,” It added as It began to rise from the throne, coming to stand right in front of the angel. 

“Any ideas on how exactly to do that Cassie? HMM?” the entity rested its arms on Cas’s shoulders, almost as if it was considering how to swallow him whole and make him disappear. 

Cas steeled himself, trying to bury the fear that was rising at being so near this monster, “Let me go back” he demanded. 

The entity laughed, walking away from the angel again. Cas hoped It hadn’t seen him sag in relief. “I can’t let you go Cassie, we made a deal. No… you are not going anywhere”. 

“Think about it” Cas pleaded, “with me gone, you could have your peace again. I would never come back here”. 

“Oh, but you would my dear,” the entity inexplicably managed to smile without a mouth and it sent a shiver down Cas’s spine, “you are an angel, and one day you will die again, permanently, and where do you think you’ll go?” 

Cas’s gaze fell to his feet, which were half-covered by slithering, black goo. The Empty was right. No matter what he did, he would always end up here. Much like Lucifer had promised Dean all those years ago. Everything would always lead him here. Unless…

“What if I wasn’t an angel?” Cas questioned, his voice drenched with renowned hope, “if I wasn’t an angel, I would go somewhere else for sure”. He had no delusions that Heaven would take him, but anything beat having to come to this empty wasteland. 

The entity paused, making the throne in front of it disappear with a flick of its wrist. As it turned around to face Cas again, its semblance changed. It was no longer a formless void of goo, but a version of himself. Cas recognized the long coat and messed-up hair, it was himself from over 10 years ago. As if he had been plucked right from the night he saved Dean Winchester for the first time.

“You may be onto something here, feathers” the entity spoke with his voice, yet something seemed off about it, slightly sinister, “if you were human, you would have no claim on this realm of mine. Hmm”. 

The entity turned to him then, a blade materializing from nowhere as he lunged for Cas and held him in a vice grip. He stared at the angel for what felt like an eternity, a permanent grin on his face. “Or, I could just kill you again here, right now, and be done with you”.

Cas tensed, wishing he had his angel blade, anything to defend himself. He wanted to run, he never wanted to see this monster again. But, there had to be another way, another deal, a way out. If not, the entity would have fulfilled that wish of killing him already. Cas told It as much. 

The entity huffed and narrowed its eyes. “You’re right, I tried that two decades ago and yet, here you are still _standing_ and _breathing_ ”, the entity claimed with disgust. It looked at Cas as if he was sizing him up. “Perhaps, there is something very human inside you already. Maybe that is why you are so insufferably hard to get rid of.” 

Cas grinned, thinking fondly of Dean as he chose his next words carefully, “Then finish this. Make me human, keep my grace here and send everything else back. Send my soul back and be done with me, forever.” He paused, making sure he could meet the entity’s eyes, “Make me someone else’s problem”. 

That was what he, wasn’t he? He was a problem to the Empty. He was a problem to Heaven and Hell. There was only one place in the universe Cas didn’t feel like an issue in. Unsurprisingly, that place seemed to be Winchester-shaped. He would always choose them because they were the first to have ever truly chosen him back. The hope that blossomed in his chest was dangerous, but he needed to succeed. He needed to go back, there was still so much he wanted to do. 

The entity stared at him for what felt like eons. There was an intense hatred burning in its eyes, yet there was something else there too. It almost seemed like it wanted to take him up on his offer. The air between them was tense, Cas could practically feel It thinking. The entity rolled its eyes and set Cas back down on the floor. 

The angel had no time to sigh in relief, since the moment his feet touched the floor a searing pain burned from the tip of his wings to the base of his spine. Cas howled in pain as he felt like he was burning from the inside out. Darkness faded into the edges of his vision, the pain making him teeter closer towards unconsciousness. Through the flashes of pain and his incoherent screaming, Cas heard two words that settled like balms in his heart. 

“Very well” the entity had muttered, and somehow, even through this insurmountable pain, Cas knew. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cas wasn’t certain how much time had passed since he collapsed in front of the entity. He was laying on an uneven surface, trying to open his heavy-lidded eyes. He slowly propped himself up to a seated position and tried to force some sensation back to his weary face. Once he managed to open his eyes, all he saw was darkness. A cold shiver of fear ran through him as he realized the entity must have thrown him into the depths of the Empty again. His heart hammered in his chest as tears streamed down his face. 

_He couldn’t go through this again, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t survive a single day in this darkness again._ _He had failed_. He dropped his hands against the uneven floor, expecting black, boiling goo. But, that was when he felt it. _Grass? GRASS._ He quickly looked towards his hands and realized the uneven ground wasn’t goo, but hard, grass-covered dirt. The darkness around him wasn’t as empty as he thought at first. A dangerous ray of hope went through him as he dared glance up above him. 

The overwhelming relief and joy he felt at seeing the familiar, crescent moon above him was nearly indescribable. He had done it, he really had done it. He placed his hands more firmly on the ground and used them to push himself up to stand. He stood there for a moment, taking everything in as if it was the first time he set foot on Earth. The cold, night breeze nipped at his trench-coat covered skin, a little more presently than usual. As he breathed, he could see his breath puff out in front of him from the cold. 

[](https://ibb.co/MP154dc)

Somehow, he felt lighter than he ever had in his life. No. That wasn’t true. He had felt this way before, a long time ago. Back when he was… human. He reached one hand towards his back, and felt a burning pain between his shoulder blades as he tried to touch where his wings had once been. He understood the pain now. The horrible burning he had felt in the Empty had been the entity burning his grace away from him, taking his wings and his angelic power. Yet, as promised, It had left a single soul. His soul. 

Cas was human once again. More importantly, Cas was finally free. The weight he had felt over his entire being for so long, was finally lifted. There was no reason to hide, no more secrets between him and the Winchesters. He no longer owed anything to anyone and by Chuck, Castiel was truly free for the first time in his life. 

So, Cas did the exact same thing that had sent him down this path over 10 years ago: he went looking for Dean. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I have so many feelings about this angel... I had to man, HE DESERVES IT. Stay tuned for the last chapter (and some sexy reunions) coming soon 0.0
> 
> Follow Me: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Melanie69196107) and [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/moadlc)  
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	4. At Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!
> 
> This chapter begins with some suicide ideation and self-harm in the first part of the chapter. Continue after the first break if you want to skip that.

The days had not been kind to Dean. As he lay tangled in his bedsheets, looking up at the ceiling of his room in the bunker, he felt numb. Cas was gone. He had been for the past 13 days. A cruel part inside of him, the part that still had hope, was keeping track of the days as if they mattered. The rest of himself knew the truth; Cas was never coming back. 

The paint on the ceiling of his room was chipped, and a single flake fell on top of his chest. He picked it up and held it between his thumb and index as he examined it. The front was white, once a pristine piece of a glossy whole. Yet, now it had fallen from its initial purpose, exposing the dark edges that had never seen the light of day before. 

_Cas has been gone 13 days and I am already getting emotional about paint drying…_

He tossed the flake of paint aside and made his fourth attempt to get out of bed that day. It was already 11:37pm according to his clock, but time didn’t really matter either. He had spent the last 12 hours tossing and turning under the covers, unable to sleep or focus on anything for any period of time. His sweat-stained t-shirt clung to his unshowered body, since the trip to the shower didn’t seem worth it. A waste of energy to get clean just to get dirty again. It wasn’t like soap could remove his stains, he was dirty and rotten to his core.

 _Useless, completely useless._

There was really nothing left for him now. Sure, there was Sam and Jack, but they could take care of each other. Bobby, Charlie, Rowena, Jo, Ellen, Mary, John and now _Cas_ , they were all gone. No one really needed him around anymore. However, he didn't want to face Billie again, which might have been the only reason he didn’t try anything. Still, just because he didn’t want to die, it didn’t mean that he wanted to carry on living either. 

It was easier not to care. His toothpaste had run out three days ago, but he didn’t bother replacing it. His last shower had been 2 days ago, and he hadn’t bothered to wash or brush his hair since _that_ night. His efforts to get out of bed this time were somewhat fruitful, he was able to place his feet against the floor as he sat at the edge of his mattress. 

_Memory foam. Won’t be hard for it to remember me if I never leave._

His room was like a mirror image of himself. It was ransacked from his last rage-fueled destruction spree, littered with broken glass and toppled furniture he had not bothered to clean up. A single, shattered piece of glass lay close to his left foot. Absentmindedly, he reached out to touch it with his toes and brought it closer to him. It had a jagged edge from where it had shattered from the rest of the glass it came from. He placed his foot over that edge and eased down into it. There was an initial, sharp burn from where it cut his skin, but Dean didn’t flinch. That burn seemed no different than the pointless rage that had burned inside him for the past 13 days. He kicked the shard aside forcefully, not bothering to check where it landed. He let his head hang and slumped his shoulders, as if gravity could do the favor of getting him out of bed for him. 

A tentative knock against his door startled him from his thoughts. He turned silently to face it, waiting to hear who was on the other side. A dangerous part of him, that one that held out hope, wished it was a certain miraculously resurrected angel.

“Dean? Are you still awake?” Sam’s voice came through the wooden door, destroying the frail hope Dean had held in his heart. 

“Yeah” he cleared his dry throat, rapsy from disuse “come in”.

Sam opened the door and hesitated as he took in the state of the room. His brow furrowed and a frown settled on his face. He was holding a bowl of something steaming in his hand and he held it out to Dean as he stepped further into the room. 

“Jack made a new beef stew recipe, it's pretty good so I brought you some” he gestured to the bowl and waited for his brother to take it. 

“I'm not hungry” Dean refused, not bothering to even look at the food. He could smell it as it slowly took over the room. _Great, now I can wallow in a room that smells like a deli._

Sam’s frown deepened, and he placed the bowl on the left nightstand next to the bed. He turned to sit next to his brother when he noticed a stain of what seemed like…

“Is that blood?” he questioned frantically before leaning to inspect Dean’s foot. He forced Dean to show him the wound, which had started bleeding more than the hunter had realized. “What the fuck Dean, what did you do?” Sam demanded, as he tore one of the bedsheets to start wrapping around his brother’s foot. 

Dean shrugged nonchalantly, “just trying to see if I could, I dunno, feel something”.

Sam gave his brother a horrified look, his eyes betraying more than he intended them to. “Don't. Move.” he ordered before leaving hurriedly to collect the first aid kit. When he returned, he found Dean in the same spot he had left him, still as a statue. 

Sam took out some gauze, cotton balls and alcohol and started to tend to his brother’s wound. He worked in silence for a while, only the occasional hiss from Dean between them. As he was wrapping the gauze around Dean’s foot, Sam paused. “Look, I know that with Cas gon-” 

“Don’t” his brother snapped, his voice breaking slightly and making it come out less intimidating than he had hoped. 

“I know that _him_ being gone is tough, but you can’t carry on like this Dean,” Sam continued as he finished securing the gauze. He got up and sat next to his brother on the bed.

“I- I just can’t Sammy,” his voice trembled and his eyes filled with unshed tears. “We were so close to-” he tried to continue, but his words failed him. 

He loved Cas (still did) and they were so close to having everything they ever wanted. Everything Dean had only dreamed of. How could he carry on after he knew what he had truly lost? 

Sam fought back the tears that threatened to fall as he tried to comfort his brother who, for the first time in a very long time, had started openly sobbing in front of him. He smoothed his palm in slow circles against Dean’s back and just let him let go. Painful sobs stuttered through the hunter’s body, almost like the act of emotional release was foreign to him. As if once shed, his tears had no idea where to go. 

Sam held him through it, muttering comforting words in his brother’s ear. They were mostly nonsense, but they had helped him when he lost Jess, so he imagined they would help now. Dean eventually ran out of tears, leaving a dry-heaving hunter in their wake. His eyes were closed shut, his face contorted into a permanent frown. Sam gathered his brother into his arms and let him rest against his chest until his breathing evened out, and Dean collapsed into a reluctant sleep. Sam waited until there were slight snores coming from his brother before settling him against his pillows and tucking him in. If he was awake, he would have growled at Sam that he wasn’t a child. But, right now it was just them and Dean didn’t have to pretend anymore, he just needed to rest.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It took Cas about 5 hours to reach the Winchester’s bunker. Once he woke up on Earth, his only prayer had been that he wasn’t too far from Lebanon, Kansas. Thankfully, his wish had been granted. The Sun was starting to rise slowly in the horizon, lighting the sky ahead in a wonderful flame. He was finally going home. He would be able to hold his son again, and this time he wasn’t sure if he would ever let go. 

As he neared the familiar, concrete structure that marked the entrance to his home, Cas hesitated. He wasn’t sure how much time he had spent in the Empty, and a part of him feared that maybe it had been too long. The closer he got to the threshold of his home, the more he feared he might find there was nothing left for him there. _What if I’m too late?_

He took another step forward, forcing himself to stop dwelling on his fears. If he was back too late, he still wanted, _needed_ to know. Within a few more steps, he found himself at the doorstep he never thought he would see again. Against his better judgement, he knocked. There was no answer, and a panicked fear went through him, settling loudly in his heart. He reached up and knocked again, hard enough to make the metal door rattle. The next few seconds were filled with slowly mounting dread, the blood rushing in his ears and a heavy pit settling in his stomach. The former angel rested his forehead against the cool metal, fighting the tears that threatened to spill out of him. 

“Please… don’t let me be late,” he whispered to any good being out there still willing to listen. 

With a metallic cry, the door swung open violently in front of him and nearly made him lose his balance. Jack was standing in the doorway, his eyes frantic and disbelieving as he took his father in. 

“Cas, is that really you?” his voice cracked and his eyes widened with hope. Cas couldn’t help the smile that broke through his face and he quickly wrapped his arms around his son again. He felt Jack sag in relief against him as he wound his arms around his father as tightly as he could. 

They stood there for a while, until something seemed to snap Jack to action. He broke out from his father’s embrace and pushed him into the bunker hurriedly. 

Cas was about to ask what was wrong when Jack beat him to it, “you need to go see Dean,” he explained as he led him through the labyrinth of the bunker’s hallways and made straight for Dean’s room. 

“I'm sure Dean is going to be happy to see me Jack, but there’s surely no need to act like the building is on fire” Cas tried to joke, but he hesitated when he saw the pained expression on his son’s face. 

A shadow came over the boy’s eyes as he chose his next words carefully. “Dean hasn’t been the same since we lost you,” he muttered with a hint of sadness.

“How long have I been gone?” Cas worried, a part of himself unable to grasp the thought of Dean being affected so hugely by his demise. It warmed his heart in a way to know the hunter cared, but he never wanted him to suffer. 

“It’s been like two weeks I think, but he has been acting strange since he found out about the deal,” Jack replied as he came to a stop in front of the hunter’s closed door. He looked at Cas, his eyes twinkling with a familiar warmth he reserved for his father, and knocked softly. “Dean?” the boy asked hesitantly, he had learned his lesson against barging in ever since that night they stayed at the Western-themed motel. 

“Go away Jack, please leave me alone” a rough, sad voice came muffled through the door, and something broke inside of Cas. He recognized the voice as Dean’s, but he seemed far away, like his voice had lost its familiar warmth. Jack turned to his father once more, his eyes wide and afraid, almost as if he was begging him to do something. 

“Dean” Cas began, his voice trembling as he continued “it's me, please, open the door”.

There was a loud thud followed by a muted curse and rustling before the door swung violently from its hinges, and a frantic Dean emerged to hold a gun up to the former angel’s face. “Who the hell do you think you are? Cas is-” his voice trembled, even after two weeks he still couldn’t voice it out loud, “Cas is gone.” 

Dean’s eyes were fueled by rage and grief; they were unfocused, as if the mere sight of the former angel was enough to light a dark flame within him. Cas held up his arms slowly, willing the other hunter to calm down as he slowly stepped to place himself between Dean and his son. 

“It’s me Dean, it’s really me,” his voice broke as he let his tears flow freely. He was so close to his happy ending, he wouldn’t let Dean’s paranoia ruin this for them. He offered himself up to the hunter’s tests of silver and holy water and passed each with flying colors. Once Dean saw the tests had passed, he hesitated in front of Cas, unsure of what to do next. The hunter within him wanted to throw this imposter out of their home before it could hurt them. Yet, the hopeful part of his soul, the one that had been badly beaten and bruised when Cas disappeared, desperately ached to collapse into his friend’s arms. 

Sam came running down the hall, his hair dripping water from his recent shower, making his clothes stick to his body. “Jack, I heard a commotion, what’s go- _Cas_?” the hunter stopped solidly in his tracks, almost colliding with the former angel. His eyes widened and became glossy with unshed tears, he sprung forward and pulled Cas into a hug that nearly broke his spine in half. Cas couldn’t help the soft smile that appeared on his face as he hugged the enormous hunter back. They were so close, if only he could make Dean understand. 

As they parted, Cas tried to turn towards Dean and pull him into a hug too. His arms reached up, but were solidly batted away by the green-eyed hunter, disbelief and grief fighting over his features. He took slightly limped steps back into his room, his head shaking. “Stay away from me,” he muttered, “I don’t know what the hell you are, but you are not… you can’t be him. You need to go away”. 

Cas’s face settled into a frown, his eyes darkened as tears started flowing freely down his face. This couldn’t be happening. He was home now, he was safe. Yet, Dean’s words had made him feel like he was back in the Empty’s depths, left at Its mercy. He could hear the entity’s harsh words clear as day: _There is nothing left for you there_. Sam and Jack tried to calm the hunter down, but he kept pushing them all away. 

“No,” Cas began, “I am not leaving. I didn’t crawl myself out of that empty wasteland just so you could push me away”. The former angel crept closer to the hunter, forcing him to step backwards until he was pinned against the edge of his bed. “I didn’t give up my grace, _my wings_ , just so you could stand there and-” his voice was steadily rising, unable to keep the emotion out of his words, “-and doubt me? No, I don’t think so Dean Winchester.” 

“Cas- maybe” Sam tried to intervene, but Cas shot him a stern look that practically screamed ‘back off’. He needed to get this off his chest. 

“You-” Dean started, his voice rough and hesitant, as Cas turned to face him again, “You’re grounded now? No more wings or power-ups?” He couldn’t meet Cas’s gaze, his eyes seemingly fixed to the floor. 

Cas sighed, easing back once he felt confident Dean wouldn’t run away. “Yes. In order to break the deal, the entity insisted I could never go back there, and the only way to ensure that was-” 

“By you not being an angel anymore” Jack interrupted, his voice hushed, like he was afraid he had spoken out of turn. Cas’s eyes fell to the floor as his gaze darkened, he didn’t speak, only nodded in agreement. He was grieving a part of himself, just as much as Dean had grieved him. Only that part of himself was truly gone, he was going to be human for the rest of his now numbered days. 

“I know that my lack of powers will be inconvenient when we are hunting, but I can train and get bett-” Cas had rushedly tried to assure the hunters he wouldn’t be a deadweight, but stopped when he felt Dean’s arms wrap around his body, pulling him in for the first time since he arrived. His breath caught in his chest, a small gasp leaving him before he embraced the hunter back. 

“Don’t you dare leave me again” Dean muttered into his best friend’s shoulder, his body trembling in their embrace. 

Cas let out a small sob, before making his heartfelt promise: “Never again” he wrapped his arms tighter around his hunter, relishing in his warmth. “I’m going to outlive you Winchester” he teased around a teary-eyed laugh. 

Sam gave a small chuckle before he approached his brother and friend and wrapped them both into a group hug that Jack jumped into at the last minute. Cas was surrounded by his family, down to every last inch of his now human body. For the first time in eons, he dared to allow himself the true, unbridled happiness he had always longed for. This time, that happiness truly came with no strings attached, which made his newfound freedom that much sweeter. 

In spite of every tragedy, loss and apocalypse that came his way, Castiel was finally home. 

[](https://ibb.co/z87pjnB)

The Winchesters spent the rest of the day together and at peace. An experience they hadn’t shared for a long time, and never thought they would have again. After their family hug, and after Dean had showered, they decided to go out for breakfast at a nearby diner. As they sat at the round table near the back of the establishment, Cas found himself unable to stop smiling. Jack was fighting with Sam about how many pancakes he should order, trying to convince him that his nephilim state meant that he could order enough for two people. So far, his logic had not been able to convince the long-haired, health-conscious hunter. 

Dean, on the other hand, was uncharacteristically quiet. He was sitting next to Cas, looking at the argument unfold between his brother and his son with a small smile. He seemed to be lost in thought, but there was a twinkle in his eyes that made his smile stand out even more. Cas couldn’t help staring at him, not only because he was beautiful, but because it was rare that he ever got to see this side of Dean. Judging by the state he had been when he arrived back at the bunker, Cas assumed that it had been a while since he had smiled at all. 

Cas reached to take the hunter’s hand underneath the table, and it made Dean jump out of his reverie. He turned to look at the former angel and then down at their joined hands. He hesitated for a moment, simply staring at their clasped hands. Cas felt the familiar rumble of nervousness settle in his gut, but it was washed away by pure happiness when he felt Dean squeeze his hand back. The hunter looked up to meet his eyes and his small smile widened and brightened his face. Cas returned the smile, along with a small squeeze of his hand and the warmth within him blossomed even more. 

Before he knew what he was doing, he was slowly leaning towards Dean, their faces a breath’s width away until Dean closed the distance between them. He felt the hunter’s soft lips against his own for a moment, making the warmth in his heart spread further down until those lips left as quickly as they arrived. It was a chaste kiss that lighted the hope within his newly human soul and left him desperate for more. Sam teased them immensely for it during the rest of their breakfast, but Cas felt so alive that he was practically vibrating in his seat. 

“So, Cas, what are you gonna eat?” Sam asked him over his menu. He was confused by the question, but right as he was about to answer, he felt it. A strong rumbling in his stomach that made him feel hollow and weak. _Hunger_. 

Dean grinned at him, giving him a pointed look towards his stomach, “By the sound of it, Cas is gonna need a trucker’s breakfast!” 

Cas blushed as he reached for the menu that Sam was handing him and took his time reading it. It had been years since he was human, so he wanted to enjoy the best perk of mortality at its fullest: food. Yet, after reading the menu three times he still couldn’t decide on what to order. Even as the others started giving their orders to the nice waitress, Cas struggled to make a decision. However, when he heard Dean order, a sudden clarity came over him. Once the waitress turned to him, he just gave her a cheerful smile and said, “I’ll have the same thing my boyfriend ordered.”

The girl’s smile widened as she looked between Cas and Dean knowingly (almost approvingly?) and left to place their orders in the kitchen. Once Cas turned back to the table, he found the shocked faces of two hunters and his son staring at him like he had grown a third head. His brow furrowed and his head tilted as he asked, “What? I believe ‘boyfriend’ is still the correct term for two male romantic partners, correct?”

Sam chuckled as he stared amusedly at his brother’s slowly reddening face. Dean sputtered and coughed as he tried to recollect what was left of his heart that was pounding against his chest. They had kissed the night Cas disappeared and again now, but _boyfriends_? _Is that what we are? God, what would Dad think?_ Even as that thought went through his head, another voice (one that sounded suspiciously like Sam) argued back: _Who cares? Dad’s dead. Cas makes you happy._ It was hard to argue with his own mind, especially when he knew it was right. He had been a mess these last few weeks, but one hug from Cas and he, he was _free_. Still, just because the Sam in his head agreed, it didn’t mean the real one did. 

He turned to face Sam nervously, but he just found the faces of his very accepting brother and son looking back at him. His nerves subsided and he relaxed back into his seat as he ruffled the former angel’s hair. “Yeah, Cas, that is still the term buddy,” he answered with a chuckle that practically screamed _‘You’re a nerd and I love you’_ and left Cas with a permanent smile that made every moment of the last 10 years worth it. 

The rest of their day went by rather uneventfully. The family of four decided to stay home and binge watch a couple of movies they had wanted to see for a while. Which is how they had ended up in Dean’s man cave, with blankets and pillows thrown across the floor and chairs. Sam had sprawled himself across one of the recliners, while Jack had made himself a decent nest on the floor with 2 blankets and 3 pillows. That left Dean and Cas sharing a blanket on the small couch they had dragged into the man cave once they all started staying together. 

Around dinner time, Dean got up and announced he wanted to go get pizza from Ronny’s. Jack perked up at the prospect of more junk food, and Sam just rolled his eyes and told him he would call to place the order because, “that’s the only way we are gonna get any vegetables this time”. 

Dean turned to his boyfriend and held out his hand as an invitation for him to join him on the food run. It was a simple gesture, yet it still made butterflies settle in Cas’s chest at the thought of spending some time alone with the hunter. Cas smiled and took his hand and refused to let go until they had made their way to the Impala waiting in the garage. 

Their drive started out rather quietly, both just content to be in each other’s presence. The silence between them had always been comfortable. They understood each other wordlessly most of the time, putting into their actions what they had never been able to put in words. Of course, until two weeks ago. When the dam of their love finally had finally broken and let their pent up feelings flow over them both, drowning them in the relief of finally understanding what they meant to each other. But then the Empty had come and separated them. 

Cas stole a couple of glances towards Dean, trying to make up his mind to mention _It_. They had both seen the state that Dean had been in once Cas disappeared, and the worry kept gnawing the former angel’s heart. He never wanted to see Dean that low again. 

Cas decided to bring it up. “Dean, we should ta-”

“Let me just say something first, please?” Dean pleaded, and Cas nodded for him to continue. 

Dean’s hands tightened around Baby’s wheel, his knuckles turning white from the force. “Look Cas, I know that when you... _left_ we were kinda in the middle of something” he took his eyes off the road briefly to try and meet the former angel’s eyes before turning away again as he tried to fight the nerves that were growing within him. A quick glance towards the passenger seat confirmed Cas was still listening and had now turned to fully face the hunter. 

Dean sighed before he continued, “I guess I just want to let you know that I want to pick up where we left off. You know, if you want to.” The hunter cleared his throat nervously, trying to keep his eyes on the road, and squeezing the steering wheel a bit harder than he needed to. The silence was killing him, he needed to know if Cas was on the same page. What if-

Dean’s thought processes stopped the moment he felt Cas’s arms wrap around his waist as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. The former angel had shifted to sit right next to Dean, thighs almost touching, which made Dean bless the Impala’s booth-style seats even more than usual. 

“I would love that Dean,” Cas muttered into his boyfriend’s ear, “I-” he hesitated, before snuffing out his butterflies and jumping all in, “I love you.” 

Dean smiled as they came to a stop in front of Ronny’s, taking one of the few parking spots left near the entrance. The hunter turned in his boyfriend’s warm embrace and wrapped his arms around him in turn. Tears made his vision blurry as he buried his face in the crook of Cas’s neck before placing a small kiss to the skin he found there. 

“I love you too,” the hunter whispered back, relishing in his boyfriend’s forestry smell which sent pleasant, warm bolts of lighting through his whole body. A radiating warmth and comfort settled in his heart, one that only Cas could be responsible for and one that he now recognized as his home. Cas was home now, which meant that so was Dean. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Dean and Cas’s eventful ride back to the bunker, the Winchesters gathered around the war room table once again to enjoy the self-appointed ‘best pizza in Kansas’. Now that Cas was human, he could gladly partake in the celebration and assured Dean that he did, indeed, enjoy the meal. Sam and Jack kept shooting curious glances towards the new couple, taking notice in their increased proximity and their lingering stares and touches.

Sam grinned to himself, content to see the smile return to his brother’s face. He had missed seeing him be so at peace. Jack, on the other hand, was elated to see his dads finally enjoying and expressing their love for each other. The boy had a seemingly permanent toothy grin whenever Dean and Cas would exchange a look, or a small touch across the table. If they noticed the pictures Jack kept sneaking of the two of them with his phone, they surely never mentioned it. And if said pictures found their way into a picture frame on Jack’s desk, right next to the frames of his mom, Mary and Sam, well they didn’t mention that either. 

After the pizza had come and gone, and their chatter began to die out, Jack and Sam decided to very pointedly call it a night. 

Sam stood up first, stretching his arms above his head as he looked towards the couple with a grin, “I’m gonna hit the hay, don’t stay up too late”. He nudged Jack’s side discreetly, prompting the boy to follow in his footsteps. 

Jack stood quickly and made his way around the table to hug his father ,“Goodnight Cas, see you in the morning”. He then turned to Dean and -to the hunter’s surprise- he hugged him as well. 

“Night Dean,” Jack said sweetly, which made Dean smile and hug his son back before his teary-eyed gaze could give him away. He cleared his throat and gave Jack a pat on the back “Night, kid,” he answered. 

Cas and Dean watched as Sam and Jack disappeared towards their respective rooms, a tense silence blooming between them. They were alone now. Sure, they had been alone in the car, but somehow this felt different. It felt almost intimate, sitting next to each other at the war room table, only the low grumble of the bunker’s air conditioning between them. 

Cas stood and began cleaning up what remained of their dinner, “Want to give me a hand with this?” he asked as he pushed some empty beer bottles in the hunter’s direction. Dean nodded as he collected the rest of the trash and followed Cas towards the kitchen. 

The former angel had taken off his trenchcoat earlier, complaining that it was too warm. Which meant that he was walking around with a partially unbuttoned, white, dress shirt that was a size too small for him, and black slacks to match. Neither left any room for Dean’s imagination, and soon the sight of his boyfriend walking in front of him had him blushing like a teenager at the prom. 

After they had finished putting away the trash and washing the few dishes that were left in the sink, Dean came up behind Cas and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. Cas smiled and finished drying off the last plate in his hands before turning to face the hunter. 

“Looks like we have the rest of the night to ourselves” Cas whispered conspiratorially into the space between them. Dean couldn’t help but get lost in the former angel’s gaze as he wrapped his arms around him a bit tighter. He could feel Cas’s warm body against his and he truly never wanted to let go again. 

With a joyful sigh, he responded, “I wouldn’t have it any other way” before diving in for a kiss. The moment that their lips touched, Cas was reminded of their very first kiss. The electric waves of joy and pleasure that erupted from him now paled in comparison to anything he had ever felt before. Because this time he knows, this is his forever. There are no more secrets or burdens between them. They are finally free to be as they are, together and loved, for the first time in decades. 

Cas kissed back with every bit of ferocity that he had stored within himself for all the years that he had been in existence. Dean couldn’t help but smile into their kiss, his hands roaming across the former angel’s back, moving downwards slowly, but deliberately. The uncut tension radiated from both of them, fueled by the soft whimpers that Cas was letting out as Dean bit his lip softly. 

The hunter pushed Cas backwards until he was pinned against the countertop, his legs spreading slightly so that Dean could slot between them. He was very pleased to find that Cas shared his enthusiasm for their kisses as he pressed his hips a little harder against the former angel and received an equally frantic grind back. 

They parted from the kiss briefly just to catch their breath as their eyes met. Cas noticed that Dean’s pupils had been blown wide, leaving only a thin ring of green around them. His face was flushed, which only made those tempting freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheeks standout even more. Cas found himself wondering how far down those freckles went. Did his hunter have any secret constellations on his skin, simply begging to be explored? The mere thought of them makes Cas want to explore every inch of Dean with his tongue, and then he remembers that _he can_. 

Cas pressed his lips against Dean’s neck, aiming for a strategically placed freckle he had seen there. He took soft nips at the skin and revelled when Dean tilted his head to the side to allow him better access. The hunter’s hands had found their way to Cas’s hips, and were urgently trying to untuck his lover’s shirt.

“Jesus, Cas, could you have any more layers on?” Dean groaned when he noticed the former angel’s undershirt beneath his dress shirt, making a point of tugging against it dramatically, almost as if he could will it away with one thought. When Cas was still an angel, he could have, but he pointedly ignores that thought. 

“Think of it as unwrapping a present, I certainly am,” Cas smirked as he bit slightly harder against the hunter’s neck, eliciting a surprised moan from Dean. The hunter’s hands found their way under Cas’s thighs and used the leverage to prop the former angel up onto the kitchen counter, earning a hungry look from Cas as he linked his ankles behind Dean’s back and brought the hunter’s body closer to him. 

Dean’s hands roamed up his boyfriend’s sides as he reached up to capture his lips into another kiss. Drastically different from their kisses just moments before, this one was softer, more exploratory than the others. He had just wanted Cas to feel good, to feel appreciated. Part of Dean wanted to make up for lost time, but the rest of him just wanted to see how many of those blissful noises he could coax from his very own fallen angel. 

As they kissed, the buttons on Cas’s shirt found themselves undone and the shirt was frantically discarded in its entirety, along with the offensive undershirt. 

“This doesn’t seem fair,” Cas teased as he flattened his palms against Dean’s chest, “you still have too many clothes on” he practically purred into Dean’s ear, sending a pleased shiver down the hunter’s spine. Dean nodded and pulled his Zeppelin t-shirt over his head and tossed it haphazardly to the side. 

Dean wished he could say that they were now on even footing. Yet, as he took in the sight of Cas’s shirtless, strong, and tanned chest, flushed cheeks and eyes drowning in lust, Dean finds himself completely positive that he had died and somehow went to heaven. 

“Cas...” his voice betrayed him, the awe practically dripping from that one syllable, “you’re so… wow,” he added lamely. As soon as the words left his mind, they were suddenly replaced by all the different ways he wanted to ravage the man in front of him. 

Cas blushed even further as he slowly brought his hands up to cup Dean’s jaw. He stared into those earthy-green eyes and smiled before pressing a chaste kiss against the hunter’s lips. “You are a work of art Dean,” he murmured softly as he slowly caressed the hunter’s cheek with his thumb, “the only thing I will miss about being an angel is being able to bask in the glory that was your soul. Nothing will ever shine as bright for me.”

Dean’s gaze dropped to the floor, the stark reminder of everything Cas had lost suddenly forcing its way to the forefront of his mind. “I'm sorry you had to give that up Cas,” he whispered earnestly. 

Cas noticed the shift and used his hands to bring Dean’s gaze back to his. He stared into his lover’s eyes for a moment before placing a soft kiss on his forehead. He stayed there, whispering his next words against his hunter’s skin: “Every sacrifice I’ve ever made will always be worth it Dean,” He met his eyes again, an earnest expression on his face, “Every single choice led me here, to _this_ moment with you. I would do it again in a heartbeat.” 

Dean’s tears came unbidden as he captured the former angel in another searing kiss. He tried to press their bodies impossibly closer as he let his hands roam towards Cas’s naked back. He had never felt this kind of unconditional devotion and love in his life, and he realized that he was probably going to become addicted to this feeling.“I love you too, Cas” Dean mumbles between kisses and is immediately rewarded with an almost-sob from the former angel. 

They had fought tooth and nail to get here. To their happy ending, their curtain drop, their peaceful retirement. Even as Dean placed Cas back on the ground and led him by the hand all the way back to Cas’s room, he found himself thinking of everything they had gone through together. Every fight, death, apocalypse, and betrayal that should have separated them forever, only found a way to bring them closer than before. As the door to his bedroom shuts and Cas makes his way towards the bed, Dean counts himself lucky. Not every hunter gets a good ending, yet here he was. The righteous man that never thought he deserved to be saved, making his way to praise at the altar of the angel that had pulled him out of Hell several lifetimes ago. 

And for the first time ever, Dean understands. This moment wasn’t what Fate had dealt them so many years ago, this moment had been carved by their years of fighting. Cas and him, they had brought themselves here and now they had the rest of their lives to figure it out. Yet, as Cas settled on top of him on the bed and kissed him like he was a deity to be worshipped, they both had the same thought. 

_I’m never leaving you again_. 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS FINISHED!! I am sorry I didn't go Explicit with the reunion, it just didn't feel quite right with how everything turned out. Sorry, I am a fluff monster rn. Still, I hope you enjoyed!! Thank you to everyone that asked for this fic, I hope that it lived up to your expectations. Leave comments and kudos, I love hearing from you!
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